all right, long time no blog. since im waiting for my download to complete for the walking dead, i shall take this time to update some stuffs.

things are going on a downhill for me. in probably quite a lot of aspect in my life. work has been not going too well. i am still managing somewhat, but i am not hitting at the right tempo. is it the demands are higher? or is it that my best can only bring myself that far? i am not too sure.. did i really put in my 100%? probably not. apparently in some situation, not all things allows you to have the maximum result with the minimum efforts. but then again, with efforts, there might not be results after all. which is more to say, disappointing the least. does that mean that i will stop trying? let see how things goes. if i don't get promoted, that might be the signal for me to move on. but move on to what? i have no idea.

love is somewhat on the edge. its like a roller coaster, not only that it comes with ups and downs, it also comes very fast. and truth be told, i quite hate that feeling. that all the effort to bring it up only have it come crashing down right towards the end. in all honesty, i had done that i can. now all i can do is to let things move 1 day at time and see what may come. the lack of sense of security is infuriating. the lack of control is rendering me insane. perhaps in some sense, i had allowed certain things to happen. that haunts me. and that wears me down.  like that said, once bitten twice shy eh..

so now things are not so rosy. im a bit more affected than that in the past. need to learn and to put my trust and faith in the unmoving one. so as a reminder, in case i see this again, all things may fail and people may betray me.. but i have complete hope and complete faith in His hands and plans for me.

had been doing some exercise. nothing to the extreme. just want to gain back some fitness so that i can clear my ippt. was tasked to answer a charge simply cause their system screwed up my bookings. now i have half the mind to sue them for wastage of time and perhaps criminal intimidation? the officer in the room wasn't exactly very friendly to me.


been thinking of taking up a new sport. it just so happens that one of the CC in TPY does conduct the sport that i'm looking for. perhaps one of these days i shall go down and give it a try, seems like the first lesson is free anyway. this could probably be one of the more exciting thing to do in my life.

and in a final note, i be burning $. as usual. air-con slated to purchase in december. and a new wallet. and a new phone. and im still thinking on that new piece of pc for gaming. and i got no money already. sigh.

woe is me. hope all goes well. like the saying go.. 东家不打，打西家！

Epiphany for the day.


1) I am responsible for my own attitude.
2) Attitudes affect actions.
3) I cannot change others but I can influence others.
4) My actions are not controlled by my emotions.
5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.
6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

interesting observation.

everyone is showing care and concern for me, except the one that really matters.

There are questions. but are there answers?

can 2 people with conflicting values system be happy together? especially when neither is willing to budge, and both takes serious stand on their values.

can 1 person survive in a r/s by just giving, and giving, and giving? so the next phase is going to be giving up?

can pple be happy to settle down with who they settled for?

is there anything wrong to ask for more? how much to too much?

does the female like a strong man who stands for himself? or a man who is willing to be taken advantaged of?

The future is uncertain. But if now is uncertain, what more the future?

is communication really the key? does it end up tiring, draining and nothing gets done, nothing gets resolved? what is missing?

can 1 maintain the façade of happiness? 1 day? 1 year?

when is enough, enough?

loving the one simply cause his nice? or loving the one cause you loves?

can 2 different perspective, level and expectations of love be happy together?

what do you want? what do i want? what do we want?

can true love, really, really... overcome everything?

is there true love among human? between us?

how do i know, what i have is true love?

maybe, i need to grow up more.

Testing

Sent from Android. Please ignore typos. 

Quite a number of things happened during these past few months.

First, I guess the one with the most impact is leaving of her to Australia. Although I did sent her off in the airport, however she seems to be distancing herself from me. But I guess the main reason is cause she scared she would be too sad to leave. But I would have like to enjoy that close physical intimacy for the last time before she goes. I'm not exactly sad, just feeling a tinge bit of 不舍得. And I'm guessing for her it would be a new world of fun and excitement (pfft) whereas im still stuck in this boring place, which is becoming more boring due to the lack of her presence. Although in a sense, I've been looking forward to this break whereby both of us could concentrate on the tasks that we need to accomplish in order to secure our future, and despite knowing that this is probably the best way, I still have this slight tendency to have wished that she need not to go. Or we can go together. Will be looking forward to end of june, whereby I will be flying over there to see her. And yes, I've started missing her ever since she stepped through that gate.

Second, work is settling down pretty much nicely. Things do end it seems. And some cases are on the verge of closing. Some of my colleagues are running into some problems with work. One is pending resignation. I just hope that I can pull through all these. Staying for 5 years, seems like a good plan. Plausible yet with a tinge of challenge and require much effort.

Third, have registered myself for the CISA exams. Cost me 500 exams + 150 member fee + 100 textbook. All in USD. The only good thing is that exams and members fee are claimable, of course, upon passing the exams. Its gonna take place in June, so all the best to me. And time to get down to mugging, For some strange apparent reasons, CPA courses seems to have stopped. I would have liked to take 2 at 1 go and just be free of them. But I guess, CPA would have to wait for now.

Fourth, relationship problems seems to be hitting my close friends this year. But I hope that everyone remembers how great your friends are! And do not stop believing in yourself to move on. Although it pretty much piss me off when people applies double standards. [pfft again].

Fifth, I'm gonna set up a schedule to meet up with friends! So technically, I got around 8-9 months (before Nov) that I can slot people in. So lets see who are here:

1. HZ - Flying off to china on the night I'm meeting her. Would be interesting to hear her china chinese and british english accent.
2. SS - Arranged to meet her in Feb. 
3. SC - Need to check when he is free.
4. KSM - this one, might not want to meet. have to decide.
5. YH - though we stay in the same area, we seldom meet, so time for a catch up!
6. CT - this is one emo girl. better meet
7. RT - suppose to teach me butterfly, till now also haven't
8. LL - hope to catch him for a supper

So I guess thats it! So roughly 1 month per person! Lots of time for other stuff. If your name is not here, it probably means I'm not interested in meeting you, or we are meeting regularly enough that I don't feel it is necessary to pull purposefully arrange a meeting and meet out.

Time to sleep. Zoo run awaits.

Its a new year, So I guess some updates are in order? But I ought to sleep soon. So, once again, this is going to be a quick update.

Been spending a bit more than necessary. Perhaps its due to the festive season. Trying to tighten my belt. Hopefully, pay raise after confirmation. But that seems to be a pretty slim chance of happening. I'm keeping my fingers cross, after all its peak season, and I'm betting that the company would do anything to keep people within the company.

3 Idiots is absolutely awesome! It is a must watch. Despite the failed naming (probably reminds me of Epic Movie more than anything else), its really inspirational and encouraging. Especially to those that are currently chasing after their dreams. All the best, to the one striving for Phd, to the one aiming to be a successful business man and to the pretty lady working hard to be the new starlet. I salute these people for being able to throw away the convention ideology of being salaried / stable jobs and chose to pursue something of their interest at their own risk. 

Crystal suddenly popped the question of what is my dream. I guess new year is always the time where people reflect on why are they where they are and where to go forth from here. Although I don't really have a dream dream, but I always have the passion / desire to amass and impart knowledge to the next generation. Somehow, I feel happiest when I know that someone is benefiting from my coaching / teaching / guiding. Which is why, I'm working towards that ultimate goal.

Work has been tough, I seen people break down, scream out, jump up, and basically getting all insane over various matters. Lucky for me, I always seem to just be able to get by, Well, lets hope that this lucky streak can and will continue to the far future. As always, I intend to stay 4-5 years. Get all my certificates before deciding my next move. Which right now would probably be a Masters degree.

Finally, hoped everyone had their happy new year. I'm guessing with the major lack of updates no one is going to read this anymore. So, whatever.

1. A new pair of spectacles. $285. Paying Updates: will be getting them this friday. Not transitions, but still photochromatic lenses. Its bit cheaper and thinner than transitions. Crossing my fingers that it would be decent..
2. Hermes Watch. $200. [Might goes up to 300 as well] If all goes well, i might be able to get myself a pair of Hermes watch at that cheap price.
3. LASIK. $3000.[Something to get AFTER 3 years. Decided to wait for better technology and a more sizable savings] Yes, I want perfect eyesight! Rawrrrr. I would probably be getting it 3 years down the road, when i have a sizable savings.
4. Driving License. $2000. Thats the price. And yes, this should come in 2 years down the road.
5. Air Con. $2500. I hope to get this by June next year. I mean, its when all the hot season starts. Without good rest, i can't work properly. Ha.
6. Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3 when it comes out. $200. Self explanatory. [I might need to better computer too!]
7. Netbook. $600. End of this year. Tired of carrying the heavy laptop out. Would probably hand the old one to my Aunt since she paid for it in the first place. [Canceled, as I would be using company laptop]
8. Added new: Graduation photos $400 paid.
9. Added new. Overseas trip! Hope to make 1 Trip a year. Budget around 1.5k each.